BizGrowth Part 03: Dealing With Self Sabotage – Bonus Session
We all have the voices in our head, how do you deal with them?
From this video you will take away:
How to identify self-sabotage and whether this is a blessing or a curse
Dealing with negative thoughts that may arise
Help you to realise you’re not alone …
Things you can do for FREE to add value and position yourself as an expert
Who to have around to build a strong leadership team and dedicated sales staff
Understanding your Why and how can you give back
Whether you’re newly self-employed, working out of your garage (many of the world’s largest companies have started this way) or 25 years as a Director of a company with 250+ employees we all have moments of self-doubt.
Starting his business journey with significant debt, Alex talks about the personal struggles that entrepreneurship carries forward. This journey isn’t for the faint hearted.
Rupert will share his experience of the pitfalls he encountered whilst running various businesses, and also discuss how to turn these around into successful entities. Additionally, he will talk about his experience running a business for over 25 years, what it is like to manage 65 employees, and how he has supported, scaled and grown a business, which has struck 6 major partnerships handing some 25,000 calls per month.
Hello everyone, welcome back. Thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you. We’ve really enjoyed the first three sessions of what we’ve been doing, I hope you’re finding a massive amount of value from it. This is actually a bonus session. We were just about to pack up and go and we thought, you know what, let’s just see how this goes. It’s a bit of a bonus session for you. This is more aimed at anybody, I suppose, not struggling – that’s too strong a word – but who sometimes have those gremlins, those little niggles of self-doubt, self-sabotage.
We actually devote an entire 15 to 20 minutes in our seminars to this, about self-sabotage and what it looks like. Is it a blessing or is it a curse? I suppose the way this session is going to be, that’s what this is predominantly going to be about, and what we’re going to be talking about is ideas and concepts about whether you can identify this either in yourself or in the people around you.
The best saying would be, you are an average of the five people you hang around with most. So if you can notice any of these traits in them, it might be worth looking at.
We’re also going to be then finishing off with finding your why. Massive question, but actually why do you do what you do? So, Rupert, let’s start. Self-sabotage, blessing or a curse? (1:14)
I think the bottom line is, it’s going to be a combination of both and I’m going to steal your lines there.
Let’s talk about both then, that’s a great thing. Obviously for you at home watching this, if you’re enjoying this so far, think about it from your perception – is it a blessing or is it a curse – and that question I’m going to give to you, is it a blessing, if so, what is it, how is it a blessing? (1:31)
Well, I think the learning you take from it, once you’ve actually understood what is that inner voice that’s actually stopping you doing some things which you know you should be doing, once you recognise that then you could put things in place to address that.
Right now, Rupert, just from the top of your head, so that people can relate to it maybe, what recent self-sabotage have you put in place that’s been a blessing, that you’ve seen as a blessing? (2:01)
Well, I think we always have these elements of self-doubt, for example, I actually love speaking to people and I love speaking to people on the phone, but sometimes, you know what it’s like, you might have something going on at home or there might be something else that’s distracted you and you’ve got this inner voice which is telling you, I actually don’t want to speak to people on the phone today, or I don’t actually really know how to handle this call, or this particular person, I know it’s going to be a bit of a challenge. You get this little gremlin that talks in your ear.
And you see that as a blessing? (2:27)
I think it’s a blessing because what you’ll do is, once you learn how to deal with this, is that you can turn that around and then of course once you actually get into flow, get in the zone, you suddenly get this real sense of achievement that you’ve been able to cut through to the other side and be able to see some fantastic results from the back of it.
And not to give too much away, but I suppose from a selfish point of view for me, self-sabotage recently, I’m happy to share this, although in business I’m very confident, in other areas of my life I lack a bit of confidence, and the other day I realised, I’m so grateful for that. I’m so grateful that I can now acknowledge that, because it allows me the opportunity to progress through that and actually identify that and work on those traits to help my relationships with the people around me and the people that have got an influence on me. So I’m really glad that happened.
Now let’s get onto what other people are thinking – why is it a curse, why is self-sabotage a curse and what kind of forms does that come in? (3:23)
I think it can cover a whole range of things, we just talked about one of those now. You could also find there’s certain parts in your business which are really holding you back and we touched on it in the last episode, for example, some people actually fear too much success. They would almost prefer to grow at a very slow rate and of course if it’s a very slow rate, perhaps 2% to 3% a year, in real terms they’re actually standing still because inflation may well be running above that.
Also as well, just to take it back to business for a second, if you’ve got those kind of growth mind sets, obviously the fear of not being able to keep up with demand is obviously quite paramount, but you’re not keeping up the competition if you’re going at that kind of rate, which could compound your worries. If you’re worrying about not being able to achieve enough and you’re thinking, I’m just going to grow slowly and surely, obviously those baby steps are crucial but at too slow of a rate… (4:15)
You could be increasing the risk. Because what could happen, you may have got a great product or service and you’re just then finding all the competitors out there will be overtaking you because they’ll be running at a much faster rate than you are.
I’m going to answer this first, because I feel like I’ve got a little bit to share on this, but I’d love to hear your opinion as well and I’m sure the people watching will as well. My way of dealing – and I see self-sabotage as a curse as well – but for the things I do, I plug in people around me to take those things over. As an example of that, I’m really crap at times at communication, but what I do is, I have people around me that help me get the expression out and they help me kind of find out certain things as well.
I won’t lie, I always think I’m right. I won’t lie about that. It’s hard for me to accept that I’m not always right, and I have to have people around me that help me identify that and that can steer me in the direction, and that know I don’t mean any harm by it. And I’d love for people at home to comment as well whether they experience the same kind of thing, whether they know – or think – that they are always right, and they have to have people around them that are not afraid to say, listen, you’ve messed up, or, that’s not quite right.
I’m really glad, I see it as a curse, I wish I could change, I wish I could sometimes go, well I’ve got a lot to learn. Most of the time I do think, I’ve got that bang on. And I need to change that, I do need to change that, I understand that. What about for you? (5:34)
I suppose in some ways, at times, I can appear to be over-confident. I think for example if you’re a stereotypical entrepreneur by definition you have to have total belief in what you have to offer. The risk with that is that you can also become blind as well. You’ll put these barriers around you, so for example sometimes you might speak to family or friends and they might say something is a really bad idea, but actually you feel it’s something you should just go for. Quite often, your instinct is probably right on it, but it’s also very important to have people around you who you like, respect and trust. It could be family members but more typically it’s people outside the family who may actually almost be the opposite to you. Because what will happen is, they will act as a bit of a counterbalance to some of your great thinking.
And it’s great to actually ask the questions of people who have got your best interests at heart but they’re not the same as you and we might get frustrated with some of those people at times because you feel that possibly some of their views would hold you back, but it’s always worth having those checks and balances in place as well.
To wrap up, because time is obviously precious for everybody and we want to put as much value into as short an amount of time as possible, how do I find my why? (6:50)
Do you want to go first?
I’d love to. I’m always right, so yes. My vision of how you find your why is, what would you do for free? How you find your why is very hard, but it’s simple. It’s not easy, I get it, but if money were taken out of the equation, what would you do for free? And if you truly love what you do, do it for free anyway. Whatever that is, whether it’s teaching children how to ride their bikes in the park on a Saturday – that’s a cool business idea, write that down – whatever it is, if it’s your passion, if you think you truly love it, go and do it for free.
For two reasons: firstly, you’ll get an amazing following. People that do it for free, obviously you’ve got the perceived value that it’s not very low quality, but if you truly love it, do it for free, and the people that believe in what you believe will follow. And the second reason is, you’ll get a much bigger following. Then when you do finally get to the point when you can monetise it in such a way, the following is so much greater because they were natural and organic from the start, you didn’t pay for their like and respect, they followed you from the start because they believed in what you believe. That’s how you find your why in my opinion. I might be wrong. (7:58)
It’s interesting this, because Alex and I have got to know each other pretty well and we’re good friends as well as being business colleagues, but I’ve got a slightly different view in that I believe in sharing massive amounts of value and I love to do great things and work with directors of companies to help them become much more successful, but what I would say is, it’s always a very delicate balance there. Because if you give too much away for free, the risk is that people don’t value what you have to offer, and that’s a very difficult balance to get right.
I’d much rather, like Alex, go from the angle, what can we do for free, so we accelerate that relationship of trust and people benefit from it, but it’s also about monetising it. Where it can be a real challenge, people I’ve come across where it’s been a real issue, for example, you quite often come across people in the coaching space who are lovely, really nice, genuine people and they’ve got this great desire to give and make a difference. The trouble is, what they forget is to put the oxygen mask on themselves.
The thing is, if you don’t put the oxygen mask on yourself, what happens is you can’t then continue to do what you do because you either burn yourself out or you run out of cash and at the end of the day, that’s not good. You need to be there for your friends, your family, the people around you, and to help you to go on to live another day and help yet more people.
So I think it’s a very interesting balance around all this, and I love the points you’re making, I think they’re great.
We’re going to wrap it up there because obviously the why stuff is so important but it’s also a massive subject. If it’s something that you are personally struggling with and you’re brave enough, shall we say, to speak about it, I’d personally happily have that conversation. Not everybody watching, obviously, because we’d get inundated with enquiries, but if you want to get in touch with us on social media or by email or even by phone, I’d love to chat with you. Even join one of our webinars where we talk about this as well. The link you can find at BusinessGrowthBureau.com, it’s fine to do it that way.
And actually start talking about this stuff freely, because there’s nothing wrong with this. These kinds of questions, they’re great, because how can you truly spend the rest of your life doing what you’re going to do unless you know you truly love it? And if we can find a way of getting the barriers out of the way, these self-sabotaging beliefs – am I good enough, can I do this, should I be charging that much, will they buy it, will they like me – all of this stuff, all of these procrastinating thoughts that go on, and I know I’ve had them, I’m sure you’ve had them, I’m sure you watching have had these at some point.
Whatever shape it’s come in, whether it’s going up to your now or past girlfriends or boyfriends or husbands or wives, whether it’s asking that girl for that piece of business that they were buying, whatever it is, I’m sure we’ve all had it. So I’d love to have that conversation. More importantly though, I’d love you to be brave enough to put them in the comments below.
We’ll wrap it up there. Thank you so much for watching, I think that was about 10 minutes long, so it’s pretty good. Like I say in all the videos, the comments are our oxygen, they’re the reason we do what we do, and we really, really try to bring as much value to this time as possible, so if you’ve found this at all of benefit, if you get in contact, leave a comment, good or bad, we love the feedback. See you on the next video – session four coming next, right? (11:15)
We don’t know what it’s about yet but we’ll think of something. So, session four coming soon, thanks a lot for your time, take care. (11:22)